My Month With Horny Goat Weed

my week with horny goat weed

As you guys can probably tell from my story about Japanese Viagra earlier this week, I am always looking for new and awesome ways to plump up my man bits for my lady friends.  The sad reality is, I get boners almost TOO easy, so just how effective these ailments are on NORMAL people, I have no idea, but I thought, from a journalistic standpoint, I should take as many boner enhancers as I can (not all at once, mind you) so I could get an honest idea of what works and what doesn’t, and in the case of Street Overlord, what very well may kill you.

And while the Street Overlord pills may have been the most unnatural stuff I have ever put in my body, (outside of anything I have ever bought at a rave) there are healthy alternatives to all the boner-inducing medications that are on the market right now. One such alternative is a natural plant called, wait for it, wait for it…Horny Goat Weed.

Well, it’s technically named Epimedium, but people have taken to calling it Horny Goat Weed, and if you shop for it at GNC like I did, you have to ask for the “Horny Goat Weed”, which, at the branch I went to, was locked up behind counter. Already this stuff is way more work than it is worth, and no matter how cool you are, people look at you strange when you order something with “horny” and “goat’ in the title.

[Related: That Time I Took Japanese Viagra and Almost Died]

Just those three words next to each other, Horny Goat Weed, now that I think about it, have enough power to kill a boner, so it is hard to imagine what ingesting it will do, but I thought: Eh, whatever. Tis the life of a journalist.

Once I got it home, I found out the real kicker. You take Horny Goat Weed as a supplement. Meaning, you take it every freaking day with your vitamins. And you don’t see results for a few weeks. “Great!” I thought to myself. I am gonna be chewing goat weed everyday and it’s gonna give me a perma-boner that will make priapism look like a gift. But again, the life of a journalist, so I just started my eating them, every day.

And yes, over time, I got hornier. But my problem was, like I said, I am always horny, so I couldn’t tell if it was making me hornier or just kicking in some placebo affect, and making me THINK I was hornier. The time you really test it is in the sack, though, so that’s just what I did. 

she wants my honry goat inside her valley

And to be honest, a couple weeks after I had taken it regularly, it actually did seem to make sex a bit more rewarding for both people involved. The main ingredient, Icariin, increases the amount of nitrous oxide in the blood, which makes it easier for your blood and fluid to flow more freely. And we all know what happens when your blood flows freely to your man-bits, right?

We get boners!

Wow, putting an exclamation point after the word “boners” makes me seem a little TOO excited, huh?

Anyway, it just made me feel more into the sex itself, made me last a little longer, and my O-face was quite ugly. And as you know, the uglier the O-face, the better the orgasm.

Another thing worth noting is that over time, Horny Goat Weed can decrease blood pressure, which can become a problem, so it is important to pay close attention to those aspects of your health while you are taking it.

But for people with broken penises who have no sex drive, I don’t imagine Horny Goat Weed would do much for you. You may need something more powerful. It is by no means a more effective method than Viagra or ecstasy, but it is healthy for the most part, and can be taken over a long period, which can be helpful to married men who get laid once a month, randomly, and when their wife decides.

Just be prepared to feel like a jackass when you go into GNC to and have to ask for it. That’s all I’m saying.

[Related: That Time I Took Japanese Viagra and Almost Died]

goats up in here

About Zack Gabrielson


Zack Gabrielson has been a professional content writer for over 3 years now. His passion is surfing, and loves to ride waves all across the world.

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